4 Steps Get Your Groom Involved In the Wedding

Photo by Julie Rigsby

I’ve got a question for you, and please answer it honestly…

Is your fiance as involved and excited about your wedding as you are?

I’ve worked with hundreds of couples.  It’s true, I’ve seen a few grooms who were as active in planning the wedding as their brides (one even had his own wedding binder!)

But for the most part, he isn’t nearly as excited as his bride.  In fact, he seems a little…distracted…uninterested…even bored.

So how do you get him involved?

Follow these 4 steps to an involved groom.

STEP 1 Take the time to understand him. Your fiance probably thinks he is already more involved than the “average” groom.  He’s listening to you, right?  And he’s going to meetings with you?  He helped you with the guest list?

As brides, we’ve been dreaming about our wedding for years.  He hasn’t.  All of this is new to him.  Take a moment to think about it from his point of view.

STEP 2 Ask him what parts of your wedding he’d like to be involved in. Instead of giving him assignments that he may resent and do poorly…meaning you have to do them AGAIN, let him pick how he wants to help.

He WANTS to be involved, but he feels insecure and uncertain of what to do.  If you force it on him, he’ll likely run the other way.

STEP 3 If you want his opinion on something, ask a specific question. Guys are really good at “hunting” for solutions: you ask the question, they take aim, fire, and “kill” it with a quick solution.  Women prefer to “gather:” we shop for options, discuss the choices, take our time, then reach a decision.

Since weddings are not something he’s familiar with, if you ask him a question like, “What do you like for as a wedding theme?” or “What wedding flowers should I choose?” you will likely NOT get a helpful response.

Instead, ask him something specific, such as, “Which do you like better: the hydrangeas or the roses?”  He’ll be able handle these questions without feeling overwhelmed.

STEP 4: Listen to what he has to say. When he DOES respond, acknowledge his opinion and thank him.  DON’T say, “Are you serious?”…Even if his idea is totally clueless.

When he shrugs and says, “I just want you to be happy,” in response to your question about which invitations to choose, what he really means is, “I don’t know anything about invitations, so I don’t feel like I can give a good answer.  But I DO care about you and making you happy on your wedding day.”

When he doesn’t have an opinion, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care.  It means he TRUSTS YOU and your judgment.

QUICK NOTE:  For more tips on how to get your groom involved, check out Chapter 10 of my eBook on Getting Your Fiance Involved.