Category — Advice

Photo by Jennifer Dickert

While only 7% of couples get married in December…19% get engaged over the holidays.

Why?  According to this New York Times article on The Rules of Engagement…

“Christmas is by far the No. 1 day for engagements,” Mr. Vadon (CEO of BlueNile.com online jeweler) said. “It is a season when you’re thinking about other people who are meaningful in your life. People are emotional. And an engagement is an important event you want to share with others, especially your family.

“Think about it. You’re about to spend the holidays with your in-laws. There’s a little pressure there to step up and propose.”

If you just got engaged…what’s the FIRST thing you should do?

Don’t tell anyone.

I know that’s a pretty tall order as you’re just bursting to tell everyone you meet, but let me explain…

As soon as you announce your engagement, everyone starts telling you EXACTLY what you need to do, and where, and how…

Before you know it, your wedding is totally derailed and you’ve got your mother, future mother-in-law, aunts, sisters and girlfriends planning it for you.  They mean well.  They’re excited for you.  But you need some time and space to figure out what’s right for YOUR big day.

One of my brides shared her experience.  Megan’s fiance proposed just before they were about to spend a long camping weekend together.  Before they broke the news, they spent a few days enjoying their secret.  Around the campfire, they talked about their dreams for the wedding they wanted to have.

“Even though our wedding plans changed a lot before the actual wedding day,” Megan said, “it was the perfect way to get engaged.  No one was around to influence us and tell us what to do.  We just talked about our wedding dreams.  It was wonderful.”

Try to have a long, heart-felt chat with your fiance about what you want your wedding to be like…before you scream it from the rafters.

Oh, and congratulations on your engagement!

I was thumbing through an old issue of The Knot magazine the other day, and it reminded me how much I simultaneously love and hate those things.

I mean, the photos are a great source of wedding inspiration.  The articles are (sometimes) informative and useful.

But you’ve got to be careful.

What do I mean?  Well, let’s take The Knot, for example.

First, The Knot is a tremendous resource for information, vendors, and references from brides.  However, The Knot makes BIG MONEY off advertisements and commissions from the sales of products and services.

They’ve got to create products that meet brides’ needs in order to keep you coming back to the website and buying the magazines.  But at the same time, they’ve got to keep their advertisers happy.

If forced to choose between writing an article that gives brides the vital information they need to know to plan a budget wedding…and ticking off their leading wedding vendors who pay them hundreds of thousands of dollars for advertising…who do you think they will choose?

Can you say AGENDA?

When you read the advice on wedding websites and bridal magazines, always take it with a grain of salt.  They are first and foremost out to make their advertisers money. Because if those advertisers make money off you, they’ll pay high fees to keep those ads running.

You know all those articles listing “essential wedding tips” and “wedding must haves?”  They NEVER tell you the whole story.  If they told you the real secrets to buying a designers wedding gown at a discount…or how to book vendors at low prices…or how to find a cheap professional photographer…their advertisers would throw a fit.  They’d STOP their advertisements immediately.

On the other hand, if those articles just happen to recommend high-priced wedding products and services and why you simply MUST have them for any wedding…it will make those advertisers very happy.

Remember: they want YOUR money.  They aren’t in the business of helping you save it.  Make up your own mind about what’s “essential” and a “must have” for your wedding.

With the downturned economy, it’s more important than ever that you learn the insider secrets they don’t want you to know that let you save $1,000’s on your wedding.  I’m proud to say that my eBook reveals the biggest collection of wedding savings tips and techniques I’ve seen ANYWHERE.  Check it out and download my free special report, “The Bride’s Secret Weapon” that will teach you my technique for nabbing a discount from ANY wedding vendor, so you can save an easy 10-50%.

What do you think about wedding websites and bridal magazines?  Leave me a comment.

Is there an ideal age for marriage?  What marrying age ensures maximum happiness?

Sociologists agree that couples who marry before the age of 20 are 2-3x times more likely to divorce than older couples.  Other than that, the studies are inconclusive.

One things is for sure: we’re waiting longer to marry and the perceived “ideal” marrying age is increasing.

According to the USA Today article Sooner Vs. Later: Is There An Ideal Age For First Marriage?, people surveyed in 1946 believed the ideal marrying age for a woman was 21; in 2006, the ideal age was 25.

It’s a question that seems to get everybody’s panties in a wad.  It generated 573 comments on the USA Today site.  Some from women who wished they’d waited, some from failed marriages, others who’ve been married 50 years.

The trend is to wait until “I’m ready.”  After college…after I’ve got a house…after I’ve got a stable job…after my school loans are paid off.  Then, I’ll be ready for marriage.

More couples are marrying for the first time over the age of 40, thanks to the internet.  I’d estimate that 1 out of 5 couples I work with met through online dating sites or social networks like Myspace or Facebook.  And according to the article Singles Find Love, Marriage After Age 45, the internet is contributing to a rise in older marriages.

So the scientists and statisticians have yet to determine a “magic” age for a successful marriage.  After 7 years of marriage, here’s my (possibly unpopular) take:

I love my husband, but no way was I ready for marriage at age 24.  Then again, I doubt I would have been ready if I waited until 26, or even 40.  You’re never “ready” for marriage.  You get married…and then you get ready…because you have no choice.

I’ve known too many girlfriends who felt like old maids as they approached 30 without a ring on their finger.  My own sister-in-law swore she’d be married by the time she turned 40.  She married at age 39 to an Italian guy she’s known for three weeks.  (And, yes, they’re still married.  Almost 9 years.  Go figure.)

I’ll end with the advice of one bride:

“I’ve now found out marriage is such a wonderful thing, I wish people would have told me to get married sooner because I had found the right guy,” she says. “But I’m actually glad we waited because we knew what we were getting into.”

If only I had a crystal ball…

Did you have an “ideal” or “goal” age to be married?  Leave me a comment.

If you’re going for an affordable wedding, leave the chochkes at home.

What are the wedding chochkes, you may ask?

Trinkets, baubles, knicknacks, kitsch.  Especially the useless, tacky kind.

I know everybody’s telling you what you’re “supposed” to do for your wedding.  You have to have wedding favors.  You have to have your names printed on cute little tags that cost $5 a piece.

I say, SCREW ‘EM.  You don’t have to do anything.

And until you man up and speak your mind and make your own decisions, you CAN’T have your dream wedding.

But you’re already there with me.  Right, girlfriend?

My List of Wasteful Wedding Chochkes

1) “Wedding” Versions of Regular Stuff.  Remember: as soon as you say “wedding” the price triples!  Don’t buy a special unity candle; any old candle will do.  Skip the “tears of joy” tissue packets.  Please, don’t buy an engraved “wedding” cake knife!  Borrow one from the hall or your parents or buy one and put a nice bow on it yourself.

2) Bubbles.  It’s a cute idea, but your guests never remember to use the bubbles.  Believe me, I’ve attended over 300 weddings.  The best you’ll get is a few lonely bubbles sliming your train.  Plus, your catering hall will have to mop them up if you use them indoors or your guests will slip on them.

3) Personalized Napkins.  Do I really have to explain this one?

4) Photo Frame Favors.  I know I’m flying in the face of tradition here, but your guests WILL NOT use them, and they’ll feel guilty for throwing them out.  If you must provide an inexpensive favor, give them something edible, as long as it’s not Jordan almonds.  Don’t even get me started on Jordan almonds…

5) Name Change Kits.  It’s really not that difficult.  Don’t pay money to have someone give you information you can find free right here at How To Change Your Name When You Marry.

As always, if you’ve got your heart set on having one of these chotchkes at your wedding…have at it.  I fully support your right to choose.  Just make sure you do it for you and spend your money where it matters.

If you’re ready for more money saving tricks and techniques, you owe it to yourself to check out my book on How To Plan Your Dream Wedding On a Budget.

My Dream Wedding Story Contest is going on RIGHT NOW. And the feedback has been great!

Have you downloaded my book yet? What are you waiting for?

Are you committed to having your Dream Wedding on budget, or what?

You’ll learn how to plan your dream wedding on your budget, create a timeline wedding, and make your wedding unique.

This is your chance to not only learn how to easily save BIG on planning your wedding–the winner gets an EXTRA $1,000 for her Dream Wedding. It’s a Win-Win!

Here’s what to do:

1. Download my book and get on my mailing list at http://www.simplyyourspecialday.com/.
2. Use what you learn to rack up the savings for your Dream Wedding.
3. Post your savings story RIGHT HERE on my blog.

I’ll read through all the stories and pick the winner on December 15th.

It’s easy, but you’ve got to get in action NOW. You’ve got less than 2 months to save as much as you can.

GUIDELINES TO KEEP IN MIND FOR YOUR SAVINGS STORY

• You must be a bride or groom planning your own actual wedding.
• Your Dream Wedding savings must happen between SEPTEMBER 17th and DECEMBER 15th as a result of the techniques you’ve learned from my book and newsletter. (It isn’t fair to everyone if we count savings before the contest began.)
• Your story should be personal, engaging and well-told. It should demonstrate the specific challenges you faced, what you learned, how you implemented what you learned, and how much money you saved. A true, relatable story and demonstrating that you really learned something are MUCH more important the the $ amount of your savings.
• You don’t have to buy my eBook to enter. (But it will give you a big advantage if you do!) You can also sign up for my email newsletter and use the tips and ideas you learn to save.
• The winner agrees to a telephone interview with me to discuss your savings story.

That’s it! Let the fun begin…

Stephanie

P.S. If you have questions about the contest or have trouble getting your copy of the book, please email me at Stephanie@SimplyYourSpecialDay.com.

P.P.S.  I must receive at least 10 contest entries…or I won’t give away the prize.  So hurry!

Photo by Anne Norman

Picking out floral arrangements for your wedding and wedding centerpieces is an EYE OPENER.

Who knew flowers could be so expensive?  Especially when you’ve got a wicked case of champagne taste…and a beer budget.

One of the best ways to plan your dream wedding an affordable wedding is to “model” the success of others.

No, I’m not suggested that you walk a runway and strike a pouty lip pose…

“Modeling” means you find a bride who successfully did what you want to do…plan an unforgettable dream wedding on a budget…and imitate her behavior.  Find that bride, do what she did, and you’ll end up with her result: the wedding of your dreams at bargain prices.

That’s why it’s so important to find out what other brides have done that WORKS.  Because you want what they got…do what they did to get it!

Here are a few brides to turn to for flower ideas inspiration:

Pamela on DIY Wedding Flowers - This bride was inspired by the beautiful silk flowers at her cousin’s wedding.   Even though she’d never done it before, Pamela headed to the craft store and assembled her own silk floral arrangements for her wedding.  What she said afterward,

“Now when I look at my wedding pictures and see the flowers, I feel pride in my creations. I also feel pride in knowing that in order to save a lot of money, I was able to try my hand at something I had never done before. That feeling was worth even more than the few hundred dollars in my pocket!”

Whitney On Picking Flower Weddings - Whitney used a combination of wedding savings techniques to keep her flower budget under $500.  By choosing local, in season flowers, using potted plants and silk wedding flower arrangements, she had beautiful floral arrangements for less.

Christie On Pretty and Cost Effect Wedding Bouquets - With help from a 75% off sale on silk flowers at the craft store, Christie’s floral bouquet for her wedding cost only $25!  And she saved it after the wedding as a keepsake.

If these stories have inspired you to give diy silk wedding flowers a try, check out these Guidelines For Creating Your Own Silk Flower Arrangements.

But like everything else…only follow these suggestions if they are right for you.  There are plenty of ways to get creative and save on your wedding while you AND have the wedding of your dreams.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

Got a flower savings idea?  Leave me a comment.

“An event planner delivers a winter wonderland from the 99-cent store…”

The headline in last week’s New York Times caught my eye.

Sure enough, David Monn, a celebrated event planner from New York City who typically plans parties for guests like Gwyneth Paltrow and Sean “Diddy” Combs, pulled it off.  Read the article, “We’re Going To Party Like It’s 1929.”

Big deal, right?  He’s an expert planner who pulled off a winter wonderland dinner party for under $30 per person.  What does that have to do with planning your wedding?

EVERYTHING.

Mr. Monn followed the same principles that YOU need to use to plan your wedding inexpensive and keep wedding costs affordable.  Here’s what I mean:

1)  Budget Before You Buy. Mr. Monn was given a set budget, in this case, a modest $30 per head.  Without knowing his budget, he wouldn’t know what he had to work with.  Even an expert can blow a budget if they don’t know what it is!

2)  Think: Big Impact For Little Money. He chose a theme (in this case “winter wonderland”) not only because it was elegant and chic, but because it is white and white is CHEAP.  Select your wedding theme, colors, flowers and wedding dress that deliver the impact of simple elegance for less.

3)  Simplify the Menu. This guy managed to impress sophisticated New York guests with a main dish of POTATOES and a dressed up $4 angel food cake.  Learn from his example: streamline your menu choices and simplify your wedding cake.

Words of wisdom from the expert,

“…The recession…allows you to strip away all the stuff that’s not important and focus on what is: friends, family, togetherness.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.  (Well, maybe.)

That’s what planning your dream wedding inexpensive is all about.

Photo by hulagway

When should I order my invitations?

What is a “traditional” wedding invitation style?

How to I handle it when guests assume their invitation is “plus one”…when it isn’t?

What are some ways to easily cut my invitation list?

Amy Suddleson, owner of Circle The Date invitations and wedding invitation expert, answers these questions AND MORE in videos you can watch right here.

She answers every possible permutation of etiquette questions about wedding invitations you can imagine…and if you do have a question she hasn’t answered or an etiquette wedding emergency, you can submit a question to be answered in video format.

If you’ve got invitation questions, she’s got answers.  Here’s the link again: on Video Jug.

Amy Suddleson gives you the answers to your invitation wedding etiquette dilemmas…but what if you know the wedding wording you’re “supposed” to use…and you’re having trouble navigating the drama of trying to make everyone happy?

Like I tell you in my eBook: if you try to make everyone happy, you end up making no one happy.

Most importantly…YOU won’t be happy.

If you’ve got the book, go to page 157 and follow the 4 simple steps to finding your answer and taking action.  And if you haven’t read it…and you’re fed up with trying to please everyone else, you owe it to yourself to learn my “Instant Drama Deflector.”

Got a wedding etiquette drama dilemma?  Leave me a post.

Photo by Tracy Hunter

Once you’ve invited your guests and received your RSVPs so you know who’s coming to the wedding (or after calling all the slackers who didn’t return them on time) it’s time to figure out your wedding seating.

HINT: Wait until you know ALL the guests who will be coming to the wedding, because it’s way too irritating to do arrange your wedding tables twice.

Your caterer or maitre’ d is an excellent source of advice for your wedding seating chart dilemma. I found a few articles that lay out the traditional seating and etiquette wedding concerns.

Where and How To Seat Your Guests - A good overview of the pros and cons of different shaped tables, head table vs. sweetheart table and various family issues you’ll want to consider.

PerfectTablePlan.com - A comprehensive guide to the wedding etiquette and options of seating arrangements, place cards, and some really good advice.

The Seating Arrangements - A step by step guide to your wedding seating the old-fashioned way–pencil, paper and scissors–diagrams of seating with meals and seating guidelines for both Christian and Jewish weddings.

WeddingWire.com - I prefer this online approach to wedding seating charts. You’ll need to set up a free account (they have a spam-free guarantee) then go to My Planner and My Seating. Their seating tool lets you reproduce the dimensions of your reception room, experiment with different table sizes and shapes, and import your guest list. Each guest has a little icon and you can click and drag them around from one table to another. It is SO cool! Really, you’ve gotta check it out.

Seating tips they forget to tell you…

1. Do NOT seat the “old people” in front of the band or DJ’s speakers. They will be miserable. Put your friends and youngsters in front of the music.

2. Seat your older relatives away from the music…but where they can still see the festivities. Otherwise, they’ll be complaining to you all night.

3. When your parents are demanding that your guests be seated one way…and your friends are demanding something else…do what YOU want. Heck, they’re not going to be chained to their table for six hours! If they don’t like who they’re sitting with, they can mingle and get some exercise.

4. When choosing the font for your table names, numbers and guest place cards, choose a font that’s LARGE and EASY TO READ. Sure, those fancy scripts look pretty…but wait until you see the long lines when far-sighted guests are searching for their names. Make everything bigger than you think it needs to be; it will avoid wasted time–and guest frustration–on your wedding day.

Got any tips or suggestions about deciding on your wedding tables? Leave me a comment.

Passports - Photo by J Aaron Farr

With the changes in national and international security over the past few years, passports are now required for most of your travel destinations.  Even Mexico, which used to require only a driver’s license and birth certificate, now requires a passport ID for travel.

Most bridal mags and websites warn you to allow up to 3 MONTHS for your passport application process.  You can get all the information you need on getting a passport, how long the application process currently takes (it varies anywhere from 3-10 weeks) and everything you need to submit your application online at the US Department of State travel site.

But don’t make this critical mistake that almost led to a honeymoon disaster for one bride…

Danielle is a smart, savvy bride.  She already had a passport that was valid until February 2009, so she thought she was all set for her November 2008 honeymoon to Italy.

Little did she know that Italy requires that your passport be valid for 90 days AFTER the date of your return.  If she had tried to board her flight to Italy for their honeymoon with her current valid passport, she would have been turned away, missing her Italian honeymoon.

Fortunately, Danielle was able to put a rush on her passport renewal to meet the requirement, but she wanted to pass this on to you so that you can avoid this honeymoon-killer.

It turns out that some countries require foreign visitors to have a valid passport for anywhere from 90 days to 6 months AFTER their return date.

Make sure you not only check for US passport requirements to make your honeymoon trip–check the passport requirements of the country or countries you’ll be visiting as well.

Thanks for the great info, Danielle!

Check out these helpful articles: 10 Ways To Avoid Honeymoon Disasters and Top 5 Honeymoon Disasters.

Have you narrowly averted honeymoon disaster?  Leave me a comment.