Category — etiquette wedding

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Wedding Etiquette Myths Exposed

A recent New York Times article, Wedding Bells’ Toll, explored the etiquette of wedding gift giving, an especially relevant topic in this recession.

How much are you supposed to spend on a wedding gift?

Ever hear this? “The amount of your wedding gift should match the cost of your dinner at the reception.”

MYTH!

According to Miss Manners this widespread rumor is completely false…as well as vulgar and crass.  Your wedding guests may give gifts according to their budget and closeness to you.

Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of The Knot insists there is no gift requirement at a wedding at all.  While it’s “the right thing to do,” the only wedding event requiring a gift is the bridal shower.

Of course, Martha Stewart disagrees.  She insists that a wedding gift is absolutely required…but you have up to a year to give it and it can be something inexpensive and thoughtful, like a dozen white towels tied up in a white ribbon.

This catty back and forth reminds me of something.  Wait a sec, it’s on the tip of my tongue…

WEDDING ETIQUETTE IS TOTAL BS!

(Did I say that out loud?)

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m all in favor of generosity and the love of a marriage celebration is an awful good reason to shower gratitude, love and thoughtfulness on a couple.

But even the etiquette “experts” admit that there are very few formal rules.

Sounds like the perfect excuse to GIVE UP worrying about whether you’ve spent enough on your wedding favors, or if your guests will be offended if you skip them altogether.

They’re not even required to give you a wedding gift! In fact, wouldn’t it be cool to print that right on your invitations.

“Dear Guest, we don’t expect you to give us a wedding gift.  We love you enough that we’ve invited you to be a part of our special day and we’re already spending an arm and a leg to get you there.  We’ve decided to skip the wedding favors, too, so we’re even.  Just come to our wedding!”

I realize that bucking the etiquette trend isn’t quite that easy.  You’ve got a whole lot of deprogramming to do first.

My point is that even if you choose to subscribe to proper etiquette, don’t let it get you tangled up in knots. Your grumpy guests are going to find something to complain about anyway, and the ones who love you most will have a great time no matter what.

What’s your take on the etiquette of wedding gifts?  Leave me a comment.

Bed Bath & Beyond dishes out registry tips in this article, “Getting Engaged Is Just the Beginning.”

But before you take those registry tips as gospel, you’ve got to ask yourself a question.  In fact, I urge you to ask yourself this question before you take ANYONE’S advice about your wedding.

“What’s in it for them?”

Bed Bath and Beyond encourages newly engaged couples to start a bridal registry immediately.  “Don’t be shy,” they coax, smiling with dollar signs in their eyes.  Register for at least twice as many gifts are you have givers.  Put at least three sets of sheets on your wedding registery.  And remember: register NOW because you won’t buy it later.

Could it be that they just might have something to gain by advising you to register for all those gifts?

MONEY.

If you need all that stuff, scan away to your heart’s content.  But be aware that if you put all those gifts on your wedding registry…your guests will buy them.  Which means fewer cash gifts.

Let’s be honest, here.  Do you really WANT or NEED all that stuff on your wedding registery?

If you’d rather ask for a wedding gift of money, check out my previous blog post for some suggestions on how to do it without being TACKY.

Like I tell you (repeatedly!) in my eBook, the bottom line is: DON’T do ANYTHING for your wedding just because somebody says you’re “supposed to.”  And always, always ask yourself what’s in it for them.  There are way to many opinions floating around out there looking for some poor, spineless bride to attach themselves to.  Don’t let that be you.

In this video, Bubba offers some helpful advice about what to give as a wedding gift. Yep, Bubba’s etiquette wedding suggestions include beer, scantily clad “negligie-things,” and more BEER. And make sure it’s cold.

Funny, right?

Um, not if Bubba is one of your wedding guests.

So how can you tactfully ask for money as a wedding gift?

According to Miss Emily Post…YOU CAN’T.

If you ask for money right up front, it’s considered offensive, tacky and selfish. But that hasn’t stopped many a bride from finding creative ways to get the green.

Check out these “poetic” requests from Love Of Poems:

“This wishing well before you here
Has a purpose that’s pretty clear.
Please drop some dough into the slot,
Please don’t skimp…make it a lot!
We would think it pretty nifty
If you could give at least a fifty.
After all, it cost us lots of money
To plan this day and our moon of honey!”

“Don’t worry about gifts, don’t buy us a yacht,
The things that we need, we’ve already got.
Our home is quite compact, we may have to move
Then our storage and space will surely improve.

Don’t know how to word this but we’ll give it a shot.
Contributions are most welcome, we’ll go somewhere hot!
A honeymoon would be marvellous, to start off our life,
In our long winding journey, as new husband and wife!”

Now that I’ve stopped laughing…honestly, what would you think if you read that in your invitation?

My RSVP might look like this:

“You ask me for money
An ‘innocent’ plea
How about some manners?
And NO GIFT from me.”

There are some ways to offer “gentle encouragement” for money gifts…

- Set up a very short gift registry, primarily with gift certificates, for those who prefer to give a gift. When the registry fills up, guests will ask your family and close friends what to get…have them suggest that cash would be most appreciated. They can circulate the news for you, so you don’t look bad.

- Set up a honeymoon gift registry like Honeyfund so that your guests can help pay for your honeymoon.

- If you’ve got the guts for it, don’t set up a registry at all. Your lazy guests will write you a check. Of course, your cheap guests may practice a little re-gifting…

Got a tactful, subtle way to ask for wedding gifts of money? Leave me a comment.

Photo by hulagway

When should I order my invitations?

What is a “traditional” wedding invitation style?

How to I handle it when guests assume their invitation is “plus one”…when it isn’t?

What are some ways to easily cut my invitation list?

Amy Suddleson, owner of Circle The Date invitations and wedding invitation expert, answers these questions AND MORE in videos you can watch right here.

She answers every possible permutation of etiquette questions about wedding invitations you can imagine…and if you do have a question she hasn’t answered or an etiquette wedding emergency, you can submit a question to be answered in video format.

If you’ve got invitation questions, she’s got answers.  Here’s the link again: on Video Jug.

Amy Suddleson gives you the answers to your invitation wedding etiquette dilemmas…but what if you know the wedding wording you’re “supposed” to use…and you’re having trouble navigating the drama of trying to make everyone happy?

Like I tell you in my eBook: if you try to make everyone happy, you end up making no one happy.

Most importantly…YOU won’t be happy.

If you’ve got the book, go to page 157 and follow the 4 simple steps to finding your answer and taking action.  And if you haven’t read it…and you’re fed up with trying to please everyone else, you owe it to yourself to learn my “Instant Drama Deflector.”

Got a wedding etiquette drama dilemma?  Leave me a post.