Category — Gifts

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Wedding Etiquette Myths Exposed

A recent New York Times article, Wedding Bells’ Toll, explored the etiquette of wedding gift giving, an especially relevant topic in this recession.

How much are you supposed to spend on a wedding gift?

Ever hear this? “The amount of your wedding gift should match the cost of your dinner at the reception.”

MYTH!

According to Miss Manners this widespread rumor is completely false…as well as vulgar and crass.  Your wedding guests may give gifts according to their budget and closeness to you.

Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of The Knot insists there is no gift requirement at a wedding at all.  While it’s “the right thing to do,” the only wedding event requiring a gift is the bridal shower.

Of course, Martha Stewart disagrees.  She insists that a wedding gift is absolutely required…but you have up to a year to give it and it can be something inexpensive and thoughtful, like a dozen white towels tied up in a white ribbon.

This catty back and forth reminds me of something.  Wait a sec, it’s on the tip of my tongue…

WEDDING ETIQUETTE IS TOTAL BS!

(Did I say that out loud?)

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m all in favor of generosity and the love of a marriage celebration is an awful good reason to shower gratitude, love and thoughtfulness on a couple.

But even the etiquette “experts” admit that there are very few formal rules.

Sounds like the perfect excuse to GIVE UP worrying about whether you’ve spent enough on your wedding favors, or if your guests will be offended if you skip them altogether.

They’re not even required to give you a wedding gift! In fact, wouldn’t it be cool to print that right on your invitations.

“Dear Guest, we don’t expect you to give us a wedding gift.  We love you enough that we’ve invited you to be a part of our special day and we’re already spending an arm and a leg to get you there.  We’ve decided to skip the wedding favors, too, so we’re even.  Just come to our wedding!”

I realize that bucking the etiquette trend isn’t quite that easy.  You’ve got a whole lot of deprogramming to do first.

My point is that even if you choose to subscribe to proper etiquette, don’t let it get you tangled up in knots. Your grumpy guests are going to find something to complain about anyway, and the ones who love you most will have a great time no matter what.

What’s your take on the etiquette of wedding gifts?  Leave me a comment.

Bed Bath & Beyond dishes out registry tips in this article, “Getting Engaged Is Just the Beginning.”

But before you take those registry tips as gospel, you’ve got to ask yourself a question.  In fact, I urge you to ask yourself this question before you take ANYONE’S advice about your wedding.

“What’s in it for them?”

Bed Bath and Beyond encourages newly engaged couples to start a bridal registry immediately.  “Don’t be shy,” they coax, smiling with dollar signs in their eyes.  Register for at least twice as many gifts are you have givers.  Put at least three sets of sheets on your wedding registery.  And remember: register NOW because you won’t buy it later.

Could it be that they just might have something to gain by advising you to register for all those gifts?

MONEY.

If you need all that stuff, scan away to your heart’s content.  But be aware that if you put all those gifts on your wedding registry…your guests will buy them.  Which means fewer cash gifts.

Let’s be honest, here.  Do you really WANT or NEED all that stuff on your wedding registery?

If you’d rather ask for a wedding gift of money, check out my previous blog post for some suggestions on how to do it without being TACKY.

Like I tell you (repeatedly!) in my eBook, the bottom line is: DON’T do ANYTHING for your wedding just because somebody says you’re “supposed to.”  And always, always ask yourself what’s in it for them.  There are way to many opinions floating around out there looking for some poor, spineless bride to attach themselves to.  Don’t let that be you.

If you’re looking for a groom gift that will bring a smile to his face…and maybe actually be useful when you’re planning the wedding…check out The Complete Guide For the Anxious Groom by Steven Lewis.

It’s an easy, fun read.  Steven Lewis knew nothing about weddings when he started the book…which makes him the perfect guide because your fiance will relate to him.  Of course, Mr. Lewis married off four daughters, so I guess that counts for something.

This book is written by a clueless guy for a clueless groom who is anxious to please you.  It’s earnest, funny and actually gives some good advice.  Including Taboos for the Bachelor Party: “Bachelor parties are pure dynamite–both…’Dy-No-Mite!’ and the kind that explode in your hand like grenades or errant cherry bombs.”  The 10 Commandments of Weddiquette for the reception: “Thou Shalt Dance With Your Mother” and “Thou Shalt Schmooze” among them.

Witty, funny, humble and absolutely true, this book could be a godsend for your guy (and for you.)  Steven Lewis aims to keep him out of trouble and keep him in love all the way from engagement to wedding.

It’s available on Amazon.com.  Check it out!